A Journey of Self-Care

For one of my final classes here at Columbia Theological Seminary, I was challenged to create a final project that would be of some use to me in these final few months and when I leave this institution to enter the workforce. i decided to create a project that is near and dear to my heart and my personal self--a self-care routine. Now, if you have been following for some time now, you will know that self-care has been an essential part of my life for the past few years. Ever since my first year of seminary, when depression hit hard, I have been forced to learn how to care for myself well.

I know what works for me. I know that cooking, eating well, working out, getting outside, journaling, and doing some form of spiritual practice (devotions or lectio divina) keep me grounded and connected to my healthiest self. That list sounds like a lot of different things, and when things get really stressful, it is a lot of things. Yet, they are the things that help me feel most like myself and allow me to do the work I feel called to do.

With that being said, I have hit two walls recently. I found myself cranky, tired, and crying a lot. I couldn't quite figure out what was going on and why I was incapable of caring for others, why I was so insecure and self critical. Until, I realized I was tired. Not just the kind of tired that lots and lots of sleep can cure, the kind of tired that requires something a bit more focused--the kind of tired that needs sleep, rest, and journaling, devotions, a good run outside.

The thing is, I am a perfectionist--I want to do it all, be it all, to everyone all the time. And I can't. I have been so afraid of not being perfect of not doing my work at 110% and my self care at 110%. The thing is, this is not something that needs to be perfect or perfected. It just needs to happen; maybe not everyday, but even on the days when I am tired from a long day at work, going for a quick run is better for my mind, body, and heart than not going.

I started crafting these goals, not for perfection, but for health and wholeness. It is about the reality that burnout exists, that stress and anxiety are a part of my life and deeply impact me. I have to do something in order to do my job, to care for and love others. The first month of this project hasn't gone as I imagined. It wasn't flawless, it was actually me pretending everything was fine and I was together with it when in reality--I needed to be doing more self-care than I was.

This is a post, admitting to myself and others, that self-care is not just optional but necessary. Find the things that help you be the healthiest and whole-est you, you can be.

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Margaret