Love Not Fear
Fear runs my life. It has run my life for quite some time and there are only a handful of times when my life choices were made out of faith rather than fear. The ugly, gnarly, grim root of fear, for me, is the fear of never being enough--of never being enough for God, for human beings, for myself. The fear that I am going to have to continue hustling to prove that my existence matters, prove that I am allowed to take up space, prove I am worthy of life, my calling, and of love.My insecurities plague me, paralyze me, and cause me to obsess over the opinions of others. When I mess up, or if my actions/work are not 100% perfect according to the world's standards I berate myself, I obsess, and I speak so unkindly to myself. I think I have broken God's heart over and over with the cruelty I have shown myself.All of these things are not what God wants for me or for any of us. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to bring myself back to the words of Psalm 139:13-16"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."Last night, as I reread those words and typed them out, they touched my heart in a way they haven't in quite some time. They touched my heart and I am truly beginning to believe in the promise these words hold. Last night, I read something else, something that seems so blatantly obvious and yet, I have never really thought about it before."I just don't want you to think you have to go through your entire life being ruled by fear,' she continued. 'It wouldn't be too big to believe you could let the fear go. You could build out of love instead.'" (Hannah Brencher, Come Matter Here, p. 39)."You could build out of love instead." Hmm. I am not sure about you, but I have never thought to phrase it that way. As I read this, I had to stop, I had to ponder, I had to write it down and I began to imagine what my life might look like if I built out of love instead of fear, what my relationships could truly become, what pursuing my dreams, call, and goals could be like if I built it all on and out of love.I want you to stop, to ponder, to write it down, and to imagine what your life, relationships, way of being might look like if you stopped trying to hustle and prove your worth and prove yourself constantly. If you just built things out of God honest love rather than out of fear of rejection, out of fear of a broken heart, out of fear of failure, out of fear of imperfection according to the world's standards.I am not sure about you, but I know that when I just took one millisecond to ponder and to imagine--I could already see a completely new way of being in this world take shape. I could sense the type life, the type building blocks that God truly wants for me. I know, it all seems so simple, and I am shaking my head wondering why I never came to this conclusion--or maybe I have and have just wanted to avoid it. However, something clicked last night, something that hasn't clicked in a really long time. I need to pursue things, approach things, dream things, build things out of love rather than fear.The world will always tell me I am not enough--but God never will. God thought you and I were enough to die on a cross for us. Now that my friends, that is building a life on love rather than fear.My hope and my prayer for each and everyone of you is that you will build a life on love rather than fear. I give thanks for people like Hannah Brencher, who are brave enough to share their stories and the wonderful quotes their friends have told them along their life's journey.Let's build our lives out of love.Peace, Joy, Blessings, and all my Love,Margaret