I Am Not Going Home

It was 2017, just a few short months before I would start seminary. I was in Target picking up some ground beef for the tacos I was making for dinner. I ran into some people I knew from my childhood and we began a conversation standing in the toothpaste aisle. Inevitably, the conversation turned to what was next for me in my life and I shared that I would be attending seminary and that I felt called to ministry. The older woman looked at me and said "Well, I personally believe it should be a man in the pulpit."

I will never forget this conversation. I will never forget the way I had to think fast, to rein in my hurt, shock, and anger. I will never forget having to come up with a calm, cool, and respectful response to a woman who had just disregarded my call.

If you have been on Facebook recently, you might have seen the "Not Going Home--I Support Female Clergy" filters on people's profiles. I had to do a bit of research to figure out where this was coming from. John MacArthur told Beth Moore, a speaker, Bible teacher, author, and evangelist, to "Go home." This man disregarded her call and her work, simply because she is a woman.

As I read about this event, I realized that I needed to share my story as a woman pursuing ordination in the PCUSA. I needed to put it out there for whoever needs to hear it--that God has always called women, God will continue to call women, and God is currently calling women to ministry. I need to share my story because when I was 17 I wondered if God loved me less because I was a woman. I share my story so that someone else does not have to wonder that. So that they will know they are beloved.

I come from a tradition, the Presbyterian Church (USA), that ordains women to be Ministers of Word and Sacrament. I am currently in the midst of this fairly extensive ordination process, hoping that I will one day be a reverend. I have grappled and wrestled with God and this call for a while now. I have wondered if ordination is right for me and I have ultimately decided that I do believe it is what God is calling me to. I want to look into the face of a beloved child of God and baptize them and I want to preside at God's communion table and invite God's beloved children to "take and eat."

For all those who have loved and supported me, I give thanks. For all those who have disregarded me, my call, and my fellow colleagues' call, I give thanks. I give thanks because you have challenged me to look further into the scriptures, to have difficult conversations, to ponder, and to pray. You have not dissuaded me and you will not--for my call does not come from human beings but from the One who created me, knit me together in my mother's womb, has known me, loved me, and called me from the very beginning.

I have been told I cannot be a minister because I am a girl (actually I am an adult woman). I have listened to people say women cannot be ministers. I have heard people disregard women and their work. I have heard people warp the scriptures to fit their own arguments. AND. I have been ministered to by loving, caring, faithful female ministers. I have been affirmed that I am a beloved child of God, created in the image of the One who formed me. My call has been affirmed by countless women and men. I have been taught by some of the most loving and brilliant professors. And more than anything, I hear the call of God beating within my heart.

So, no, I will not go home. I am going to keep pursuing what I know God is calling me to. I won't and cannot go home, because I am called out, out of my comfort zones and into a broken and hurting world. I am called to love with all of my heart.

This journey has not been and easy one and I don't believe it ever will be. But I am thankful this is the journey God has led me on. And I want you to know, wherever you are on this journey, you are a beloved child of God. Wherever, whatever, whoever God is calling you to go, do, or be--I hope and pray that you listen and answer that call. I hope you have people to support you, love you, and affirm you.

May the God who created each one of us, bless and keep you.

Peace, blessings, and all my love,

Margaret