Fed

Recently I have been reading Bread and Wine by one of my favorite author's, Shauna Niequist. Shauna is the type of person I want to be best friends with, she is honest, authentic, loving, and just a whole lot of fun. She has given words to my heart and soul in this season; words that no one else could, her brutally honest tale of life, loss, love, laughter that I found in Present over Perfect, fed me and assured me that I am not alone. After reading Present Over Perfect, I began to buy more of her books, devouring them and then the other day, as I tried to read another author I found myself craving Shauna. I went out to my car, where the bag of books I haul around with me was, pulled out Bread and Wine and let Shauna and the Spirit do what they do best, heal.As I began to read this book, I was reminded of one of my calls; a call that began some three thousand miles away, and what seems like a lifetime ago--my call to the table. Many moons ago and many miles from where I sit writing this now, I learned how to cook and I discovered my deep desire and need to have people around my table eating food I have prepared, laughing, loving, crying, and being with one another. For the last year and a half I forgot that call, I stopped cooking, I stopped tasting and smelling to flavor foods I have thrown together--I just stopped.In my last post, I invited you all into a truth about my life, a truth that hurts, but a truth that I am thankful for and a truth that is challenging me to grow a little more everyday. The darkness of this most recent season stole my identity, caused my call to get lost, jumbled up my desires and left me utterly lost and confused. Yet, as the clouds begin to part in my mental, spiritual, and emotional life and the sun starts to streak in, I am remembering all that I learned a few years ago in apartment kitchens.In those kitchens in Scotland I was invited by wonderful people to truly break bread. I participated in some of the holiest table fellowships, I was nourished and loved over tables packed with delicious food and lovely people. The darkness caused me to forget but the light has brought me home.Under the guidance of dear friends and Pinterest I can now bake the best chocolate chip cookies, make a meal out of a tin of tomatoes, some rice, and vegetables, I discovered that you don't have to have a meat with every meal, I can make a fantastic lasagna, and I fought homesickness by learning to bake buttermilk biscuits. Most importantly I found what truly feeds my soul--cooking, feeding, loving, nurturing, gathering people around my table.The woman who began my cooking lessons did so because she was incredibly concerned for my health. My dear friend took pity on me--I was a 22 year old, naive American who didn't really eat vegetables, she promptly began to invite me to dinners at her flat, making sure each dinner was full of veggies. My flatmate and I had dinner every night during our summer as we wrote dissertations; over bowls of orzo with steaming vegetables soaked in red sauce and cheddar cheese sprinkled on top we laughed and cried over countless tv shows and films. At my twenty-third birthday I was overwhelmed by love, homemade food, and a massive homemade Victoria Sponge Cake. Tea and cake sustained me, gave me strength to get through one stressful paper at a time. Tea and biscuits is now my favorite form of communion, often far more holy to me than a sip of juice and the swallow of a flavorless wafer.Shauna's beautiful testimony of her call to life around the table brought me back home to mine. My hands have created more dishes in the last week than they have in two years, my heart is growing larger with every person who comes and sits on my couch to break bread, and I am moving closer and closer to God with every cup of tea I share with one of God's wonderful children. You see, I got a bit confused, I forgot who I was for a little while--but I am coming back to her, one quinoa salad, one cup of tea, one digestive biscuit at a time.I pray that we might be able to break bread together soon. Please come over anytime, I would be overjoyed to have you.Peace, joy, blessings, and all my love,Margaret