What You Can Find in the Dark

Happy Easter! I hope that this post finds you, wherever you may be in your faith journey. I know I have posted a lot recently, but I figured that I was not the only person in the dark or struggling. It also is therapeutic for me to blog, it helps me think through and process my emotions and I think the way I am going to get through this darkness is by digging in, being honest and sharing.This is the first Easter that I have spent away from my family, and needless to say, it was hard. I woke up and I felt sad that I wouldn't be at my home church where Easter is a big deal and in the place that I feel God's presence in a way that is indescribable. I went to Church, it was of course different, but it was good and in some ways familiar, singing three of the same hymns that I have sung since I was a small child and celebrating Jesus' triumph over death. But it isn't at church that I found the connection to the resurrection that my heart had been seeking, it was in the book that I have been reading, Learning to Walk in the Dark. Barbara Taylor offered my soul peace and comfort in the midst of the dark saying: "new life starts in the dark" (Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark, p. 129). She points out something most people, including myself, have never thought about the resurrection: "If it [the resurrection] happened in a cave, it happened in complete silence, in absolute darkness, with the smell of damp stone and dug earth in the air" (Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark, p. 129). New life happened in the dark and happens in the dark: "whether it is a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, it starts in the dark" (Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark, p. 129).I never thought about this, but Taylor laid it out for me so clearly, and my heart rejoiced. I have come to recognize, through the guidance of Taylor, through allowing myself to embrace the darkness and giving up control that I am finding a healing I never knew existed. Maybe I am so desperate to feel some sort of connection with God that I have made this up, or maybe, just maybe it is God whispering to me in the dark. I am not out of the dark and I am not sure when I will be, but I am learning that I need these emotions, I need to let it happen because I am learning to give up more of myself. These hurts and this darkness I have felt have had me longing for my Savior to come and heal--I have cried out to God in anger, frustration and desperation. I have allowed myself to embrace the darkness and allow God to approach me here and meet me here in the midst of it, and Brown was right--you start to realize things that you never could have in the light (Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark, p. 5).Luke 23: 5"The women were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, 'Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen.'"My dear sisters and brothers, rejoice for he has risen! I want to wish you all a happy happy Easter!May the Peace of our Risen Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, be with you all. Peace, Joy, Blessings and Happy Easter--Margaret.