A Year at the Table

In recent years, the table, in its various forms, has become central to my life. It has become the thing I talk, think, and pray most about. The table has healed me and has nourished me; it has strengthened me so I might be able to go back out into the world. The table brought me home to myself, to God, and to the church. The call of the table led me to learn how to cook and how the power of a home cooked meal can bring together people like nothing else. The table saved my heart and my faith in the church. The table gave me the courage to answer a call. The table has impacted my faith and my being profoundly, in ways that only the Divine can make possible.

The table, yet again, is stirring something deep inside of me. I can feel those familiar tingles of call, purpose, and the promise of healing drawing me out of the rut I have been stuck in and inviting me into something more, into another way of being. The past few years have been somewhat challenging for me. I was hit hard with depression and anxiety which caused everything to hurt--especially anything spiritual. It was hard to pray because it felt like the raw parts of my heart and soul were being grated. Formal worship, for me, has been, in the last few years, little to nonexistent.

The table, which was always so welcoming, suddenly became a place where I felt hurt, exposed, and painfully raw. I was isolated. I isolated myself from friends, meals around my table and around theirs, and the table of the Holy Eucharist. I was shaken deeply and although there has been so much healing, there are wounds from that time that still fester. Wounds that I believe only coming to the table can heal.

I have rarely worshipped since I entered seminary. I know that this sounds awful but for so long I was so sick that I could barely do anything. Yet, I know deep within me, that it is time to heal. I know that it is time to go back to formal worship, to partake at the table--and partake there regularly. I am ready to enter into that space again. So, I am introducing a new project; something that intertwines the things that draw me closer to God and to my most authentic self--the table and writing.

A Year at the Table. I am committing to partaking at the table for a full year--the Holy Eucharistic table, the table in my house, the tables in restaurants, the table in my friends' and family's homes, the unexpected table which rises up to meet me in surprising ways. I am tired of ignoring my draw to the table; I hear the call and am ready to answer the invitation.

For the next year, I am committing to showing up at the table. I am going to turn up in my humanness, in my brokenness, in my joy, in my pain and I am going to allow the love and grace of God to meet me there. I am excited about the many forms this project might take and look forward to sharing my year at the table with each one of you.

I have just begun this journey but I already know that it is going to alter my life and impact my views on God, fellowship, and the table in so many beautiful, surprising, and wonderful ways. Thanks be to God!

So here's to the table! May we gather there, rest there, commune there, love one another well there, and find nourishment there.

Grace and Peace my friends. Grace and Peace.

All my love,

Margaret