Twenty-Five
As my twenty-fifth birthday has inched closer and closer I have been doing a lot of introspection. For a while I wanted to write off twenty-four, wish it all away, move into twenty-five with the decision that twenty-four wasn't great. But, it wouldn't be fair to do so; twenty-four may not have been as glamorous a year as I have had previously, but it is a year that I am so thankful for.I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be brave, what it looks like to be brave, and when I have had to be brave. I have a dear friend called me when I had to return to Atlanta after a period of rest and healing at home. This wonderful friend said: "Brave looks different at different times and for different people--you are being brave."Brave at twenty-four looked a whole lot like opening up my heart, letting someone special in, moving to a large city to attend a school I wasn't really sure about--to pursue a call I wasn't necessarily excited about. Life pushed me to be brave, to open up, ask for help when I couldn't fix a problem--when I couldn't pull myself out of the dark hole I had to ask for help, to be honest, to allow people it, and to let people love me back to life. Brave hasn't looked like it has in the past--making big, bold, loud, publicized decisions, instead brave has looked like a lot seemingly small, quiet, private life decisions. I have learned that life is full of both forms of brave and many decisions are brave--even if they don't seem like it in the moment.
Twenty-four has challenged me in ways I never expected or really wanted to be challenged. I would love to say that it was a horrible year--but it wasn't. It is easy to pick out the bad periods, the terrible moments, the times I hurt and didn't know what to do, those occasions when God was silent but I cannot ignore the beautiful, redemptive, healing moments; the moments of new life that emerged from the darkness. Twenty-four was formative; breaking, molding, and rebuilding the human being that I am. Twenty-four forced me to realize that it is in the darkest moments and the most broken states that God does what God does best--redeem, recreate, heal, and give life. As twenty-four has come to an end, I am reaching for twenty-five. I am opening my heart, mind, body, and soul to the possibilities of what this next year might bring. I am working on grounding myself in complete thanksgiving for all I have learned, experienced, witnessed. I am celebrating the incredible things God has created and mended in my life. I am praising God for the reality that is new life and to know first hand that resurrection is indeed real.Twenty-five, I have anxiously been awaiting your arrival--thanks for showing up right on time. So here is to the next year, to all the hard things it will bring, to all the opportunities for growth and reliance upon God, to all the love, laughter, and good food I am going to share with those I love, to all the tea I am going to drink, and to the God who will continually show up, constantly work for reconciliation, mend broken hearts, and love us back to life time and time again.Shauna Niequist (yes, her again) wrote this beautiful piece of advice for twenty-five years old:"Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a gran adventure. Don't spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path.""Become, believe, try." That's what I am going to do this year. Twenty-four brought hardships, hardships that brought me back home to myself and my faith. Thanks be to God.If it's your birthday today--happy birthday! I am thankful for your life, thankful you're alive, you are a gift. If it's not your birthday--I am thankful for whatever day you were born, thankful for your life, thankful you're alive, you are a gift! My birthday wish this year is that we all love a little bit more, open our hearts a bit more, be kind to one another, to look for the good in the world and cling to hope!Peace, joy, blessings, and all my love,Margaret