Filling My Cup For Myself

Spring has officially sprung here in Charleston! My nose has known spring was on her way for about a month now, however, it was over the weekend and at the beginning of this week that I really took notice of the blooms and all the green. The light lingering longer in the evening has brought a fresh wave of gratitude and healing to my soul. Like the flowers with their blooms, I am feeling hopeful for my own turn at bursting forth from winter with a new spring in my step.

The beginning of this year has been a busy one; a marathon of events that have required much of my attention and focus in addition to my everyday work in the hospital. I have had the honor of officiating three weddings, create and lead a women’s retreat for a local congregation, and speak at a caring conference in my health system. The work has been a welcome shift of focus—working and playing with the Spirit in a different way than I do in my daily hospital setting. However, it has still been work, still requiring me to pour out of myself and my cup in order to pour into others in joy and celebration. A gift while also still being fatiguing.

I have not learned to art of managing my cup. I will fill my cup only to then pour out all of its contents, to then repeat the cycle. Recently, I have found it increasingly more difficult to bounce back. I used to be able to bounce back with some amount of ease—now I find myself more quickly drained and more slow to full (or 1/2 full).

I told Will, “I want to be selfish with my time and with my connection with God. I want to play with God in such a way that my cup fills and fills to overflow and then only give from the overflow.” A year ago this would have been a thought I would have judged and in that judgment would have dismissed my feelings and would hinder my actions from helping. Now, I recognize that the way of giving I have always done is not working. It is not sustainable, nor do I believe it is what God created and called me to do.

This past weekend was one of the firsts in a long time, where I filled my cup without any intentions of pouring it out for others. I used to set the standard that I needed to do the self care solely for the purpose of giving care to others. Now I just want to do self care for the sheer purpose of feeling good—only for myself. Do I show up better and am I able to care for others well if I have cared for myself? Sure, but this is no longer my motivation.

In the past six months, every couple of months, I have fallen ill, a sign that I am not caring for myself well and am running myself ragged. I keep wondering what it would be like and what it would feel like to feel full? To feel so full of joys, delights, rest, and peace that it bubbles up and over. So, I am going to keep focusing on this. Pursuing the delights, the joys, and stopping to enjoy the flowers.

Above are pictures from our weekend. Romanticizing our everyday, ordinary life, with walks in beautiful places, taking time to notice how a dog’s tail wags with such fierce happiness that you wonder how it remains attached, or how an old oak tree has been celebrated instead of destroyed with how a structure is built to curve around it. It is noticing three different colored flowers are present in one azalea bush, and eating tasty snacks from the Costco food court in the car after a shop, or drinking a chai tea latte from the cutest little cup and seeing it as art. I am collecting these joys and delights—letting them slow me down and accepting the invitation to be present. I find myself being a little more quick to gratitude when I slow down enough to see all the gifts of God right here in this moment.

Let us fill our cups to overflow so that we feel our best and only give from all that has bubbled over.

Stop and smell the flowers (or if you are like me and your allergies are really bad—stop and notice them at a safe nose distance).

Peace and Blessings,

Margaret