Let's Be Real

Let's be real, raw and honest. The other day I read a raw post written by a blogger I follow. This woman laid her deepest darkest fears out--she was honest with herself, with her followers and with God. I left a comment on this woman's post saying that she had been brave and that she had just invited God into a dark place so that God could illuminate it with light. She allowed God an opening to come more fully into her life and to help her heal more fully. I took a cue from this woman and I was brutally honest with God tonight, I was honest with myself and honest with God.It was time for me to be real with God. This week I seem to have fallen back into my old patterns: worrying about the future, comparing, falling into my old insecurities and not trusting. It is nothing too bad or too extreme, but I know that if these issues are not dealt with immediately they can turn dangerous fast. So rather than wait until I fell down the rabbit hole I decided to be real with God and bare my heart and naked soul, which included some fears and confessions I was trying to hide and did not want to face. I was ashamed to say that I had been questioning God, that I was scared and that I was selectively trusting God, not fully trusting God. (I need to take some of my own advice at times.) But I know the only way to get through these obstacles is to admit them to myself and to God. Because once these little demons have been aired, they lose some of their power and become much easier to manage and eventually destroy.You see, I think that the more we hid these little demons the stronger they become, the more power they have over us and the further we drift from God. God knows our hearts and minds fully--God sees everything, there is nothing we can hide from God. But we still try to hide the imperfections, the fears, the worries and the doubts that plague us. But if we become real with God and share our grief, anger, fears, doubts and pain then, we allow an opening for God to come more fully into our lives. We lay down the demons at God's feet--but the key is we cannot pick them back up. Once they have been surrendered they are out of our hands and hearts, and we must use our free hands to grasp God's hands more fully. We empty ourselves so that we may be filled with God. I tend to have one hand tightly grasped on my demons and one hand barely dangling from God's hand. We have to let go of those demons so that we can completely grasp God's outstretched hands. That is what getting real with God is all about--airing our dirty laundry to the Lord removes the blockades and allows us to begin to experience the freedom that Christ offers us.It is hard to go to our loving wonderful God and admit that I am having doubts, that though I preach trust, I severely lack complete trust. It is difficult to be honest with God about the irrational, yet real fears that plague my heart. It is scary to know that my lack of faith and lack of trust in God may hurt God, but as in every relationship, we owe it to the person we love to be honest. As the saying goes "Honesty is the best policy." Even though it is scary, hard and nerve racking it is worth being real and raw with the One that I love and the One that loves me.Psalm 62:8"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." (Emphasis added).Even though my honesty was hurtful to God, I can almost envision God understandably smiling and taking my now empty hands. After I was honest with the One that I love I read my devotional and the first sentence was "Trust me in the depths of your being" (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, 222). This devotional was about how God wants me to trust and wants to bring my heart peace. It was exactly what my raw heart needed to hear. God reassured me that even though we are both a bit raw from my honest confession that we are still in a loving and strong relationship--that God is still right there holding on to me and gentle soothing my exposed heart.John 20:19"When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you.'"Just like those locked doors--Jesus finds a way into our hearts, but wouldn't it just be easier if we unlocked those doors and made an open way for the Lord? Open your hearts and lay down your demons. Let God come in, wash your wounds, kiss them, soothe them and patch you up.May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.