I Am Blessed

The other day I was in a foul mood. It felt almost as if my heart had been stabbed with a knife and I was too emotionally exhausted to pull it out so I made the decision that I would simply leave the knife in and let the wound fester. Fester it did, my heart ached in a way that I thought it might just be best to simply rip the thing right out of my chest. I let the wound and my mood fester until I felt numb and the hurt, anger and pain was only a throb. As I let myself wallow in this pain and this misery (dramatic, right?) I also allowed myself to throw a major temper tantrum with God--I mean I acted like a two year old in the midst of her terrible twos. I let myself vent, do a little yelling and a lot of blaming-- then promptly rested myself against the cold, solid numbness of my once destroyed walls rather than in the warm, solid and loving embrace of God.However, God uses many people, some very much alive and some who have passed on. God used a woman I respect greatly, love dearly and sorely miss, although I haven't ever met her--Maya Angelou. Maya Angelou died in 2014, but this incredible woman's glorious words and wisdom live on in her numerous books, articles and poems. So on Monday, as I was throwing myself a little pity party God used Maya Angelou's words to break through the walls of hurt.Monday morning I drove myself downtown to the Charleston County Public Library, where I got to use my brand new library card (I cannot express how excited I am about that little piece of plastic) and checked out three books: Letter to My Daughter and I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings both by Maya Angelou and Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr. I began with Letter to My Daughter, the back of the cover read: "I gave birth to one child, a son, but I have thousands of daughters. You are Black and White, Jewish and Muslim, Asian, Spanish-speaking, Native American and Aleut. You are fat and thin and pretty and plain, gay and straight, educated and unlettered, and I am speaking to you all. Here is my offering to you." As I perused the shelf filled with Angelou's work, picked up this work and read the back I decided this was a book I desperately needed to read; I managed to finish the book all on Monday. It is in this colorfully bound book that I found just the bit of advice that my heart and mind needed to hear.In Chapter 11: Porgy and Bess Angelou recounts a story when she felt that she was going crazy:"I told him I was going crazy. he said no and then asked, 'What's really wrong?' and I, upset that he had not heard me said, 'I thought about killing myself today and killing Guy [her son], I'm telling you I'm going crazy.' Wilkie said, 'Sit down right here at this table, here is a yellow pad and here is a ballpoint pen. I want you to write down your blessings.' I said, 'Wilkie, I don't want to talk about that, I'm telling you I am going crazy.' He said, 'First write down that I said write down and think of the millions of people all over the world who cannot hear a choir, or symphony, or their own babies crying. Write down, I can hear--Thank God. Then write down that you can see this yellow pad, and think of the millions of people around the world who cannot see a waterfall, or flowers blooming, or their lover's face. Write I can see--Thank God. Then write down that you can read. Think of the millions of people around the world who cannot read the news of the day, or a letter from home, a stop sign on a busy street, or...' I followed Wilkie's orders and when I reached the last line on the first page of the yellow pad, the agent of madness was routed." (Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter p. 66).I found myself feeling just as Angelou did. I didn't want to talk about and think about my blessings, much less write them down. But I decided to listen to Wilkie's instruction and pulled out a pad and pen and began to, begrudgingly write down the things I was thankful for. I get so caught up in the things that hurt, the things that I don't like, the circumstances I don't have any control over that I lose sight of how blessed I am, how much beauty is right in front of me and how simply lovely it is to live in the here and now. So as Angelou ended her chapter, I will end this post with: "Today I am blessed" (Angelou, Letter to My Daughter, p. 67).May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all!Peace, Joy, Blessings and So Much Love,MargaretP.S I hope everyone had a lovely, love filled Valentine's Day!