Feel Your Feels

As I started to write this post I found myself trying to diminish what I am feeling. I realized what I was writing was not the advice I would give to a stranger, a beloved friend, or family member. I was shaming myself and trying to cover up what I am actually experiencing, grief.

We tend to associate grief with the loss of someone we love--typically this means death but it can be extended to broken relationship. The latter, by society's standards is awarded a shorter grief period, as if we can put a timeline on any form of grief. The grief I am currently experiencing falls into a different type of category and the shame I was originally inflicting upon myself is a product of society's scale of "appropriateness of feeling and timeline.

"No, I have not lost a loved one in the past few months but I did lose the vision of what my life in this moment would look like and I am in a strange sort of breakup with a place and people I love. I lost the plan I thought I had and have been left searching for what is for right now and praying for what might come to be in the future. I felt saddened as people I love tried to diminish the loss and grief that was clawing at my heart. And as I sat here attempting to write these fragile and complicated feelings out, I did the exact opposite of what is helpful, I diminished my own feelings.

Recently, I saw a graphic someone designed on Instagram that served as a reminder that humans can and need to grieve the loss of things. This can be the loss of a relationship, the way things were, a loved one, a job, a plan, a hope, a dream--the list can go on. If I know anything about grief, it is that it demands to be experienced and felt. For different circumstances it will look different and feel different and the healing that comes can look and feel a thousand different ways. So, instead of ignoring what I am feeling or shaming myself for feeling it--I am moving through it. It is not one straight path, it is zig zaggy and the strangest things can cause the feelings to bubble up and so rather than shoving them down, I instead, feel my feels.

I hope anyone who is experiencing grief and is living and fighting their way through it know that you are allowed to feel your feels. There is no timeline--how could we ever put a timeline on the loss of someone or something we love or hope for?

I pray that wherever you are in your own grief journey you are surrounded by love and feel a comforting presence of support from those who are surrounding and loving on you and I hope you might feel the loving presence of God. Please be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to do the things you need. And when you share your story, with all the hurt, pain, joy, love, laughter I pray you are met with grace, love, and affirmation.

Whenever I tell myself I need to "get over it" or "this is silly, it is time you move on" I am met with the grace of God and the grace and love of other people. They remind me to extend that grace to myself when I forget and for that I am extremely grateful.

May peace be with you, surrounding you, and comforting you,

Margaret