Nevertheless, She Persisted
I know this statement conjures up different meanings for different people but this is one of my favorite statements because it speaks to the type of woman that I want to be. I want to be the type of woman who persists in the face of fear, of negativity, of opposition--whether these things come from others or from my own self. I want to be able to say, "Nevertheless, She Persisted. She got back up every time she fell down. She persisted each time things got scary or hard. She kept pushing through even when it would have been easier to quit." Someone used this phrase in somewhat of a negative sense; but it has be reclaimed as a powerful statement, a phrase that speaks to who we can be and it encourages us to keep going when the going gets tough.
There are t-shirts, notebooks, stickers and anything else you can imagine with this phrase printed across it. I have wanted one of the t-shirts for ages and just never got around to ordering one for myself. Last week was my twenty sixth birthday and Will ordered me one as a gift. Can you tell that he knows me really well? And that t-shirt with that powerful message came in yesterday. Yesterday, was a momentous day for me--I admitted to something that I have allowed to consume me for far too long, a self-hatred that has plagued me for a while now. First, you must know that I am okay--I am working through this with a professional and with trusted loved ones and God. Secondly, I write to find healing, to face my biggest fears and then I share it with people so that maybe just maybe it can help someone else to get help and feel less alone. That t-shirt arrived yesterday and I could't think of anything more perfect. I can now wear that shirt when I need a reminder that I am the type of woman that persists, that keeps moving forward even when it is hard.
I know it seems a little odd that I might allow myself to get so vulnerable but I get one chance at this life, one opportunity at this and I want to look back and see that I chose to be brave even though I was scared. I want to look back and be proud of the woman I am and the choices I have made. I want to be honest when the truth is scary to share. I want to be free to love myself fully and completely. I want to offer what little help I can to those who might be struggling with something similar to what I have been going through. I want to face my fears, my struggles, and my dark sides head on and take back control of my life. This starts with me getting incredibly honest and vulnerable. It starts by taking small steps forward and not berating myself when I take steps back.
Yesterday, I admitted something that wasn't pretty but today I am living in the freedom that comes from getting honest and facing my shadow side. I took the first step and am leaning into the healing that comes from being brave. I will take the second step and the third whenever they come and I will persist even when things don't seem to go my way. Being a woman who persists does not mean I am always the stereotypical definition of strong. Sometimes strong and brave look like those quiet moments of being incredible kind and gentle to myself. Sometimes strong and brave look like what I did yesterday, getting incredibly vulnerable and sharing it with a bunch of people. Whatever your strong and brave might look like--know that I will be cheering you on!
Life isn't always pretty but sometimes it can be so beautiful. Sometimes I am stopped in my tracks by how incredibly wonderful this world can be. Yesterday's confession wasn't pretty and it isn't the wonderful side of life but you know what is? The outpouring of love and support that I received. People from throughout my life have reached out and expressed their love and support in a time when I needed it and that my friends, that is beautiful and wonderful.
No matter where you are on this journey I hope you are someone who persists. I hope that you get up when you fall down, you lean on your loved ones when you need a hand, you keep chasing your dreams, you keep pursuing your brave, and I hope that you are gentle with yourself along the way and I hope you choose to love yourself no matter what. Friends, lets be people who persist, lets be people who help one another, lets be people who love.
Grace, peace, blessings and so so so much love,
Margaret