Journeys
It is a cloudy morning here in Decatur, the grey light is slanting into my apartment, threatening rain. I am in my morning chair, the white chair by the open window, I can hear a little bird chirping its morning song as it prepares itself for the day. I have been pondering this morning--thinking those lofty thoughts that pop into my head as I awaken and make my morning cup of tea.Today, marks the two year anniversary of my graduation from the University of St. Andrews in Scotland with my Master's in History and yesterday I had a conversation to enter into the formal discernment process for ordination in the PCUSA. It is funny to write either of those celebrations down. I have been on a journey that is quite obviously a divinely designed one. I could never have planned half of the things that have happened in my life or the way people and places have come in and out of my life leaving their lovely fingerprints upon my heart.
I am currently in the business of marveling; marveling at the way things turn out, the ways they don't, and the twists and turns life takes to get you places. I am learning more and more and constantly being reminded to remember that my plans rarely work out the way I would like them to. In the world we live in, we are taught to make as detailed of plans as possible, so as to avoid any discomfort in the unknown or any heartbreak. However, that is not how this life is meant to be lived. There is no fun, no magic, no heartbreak and no healing without risk or plans crumpled--without the beautiful wild unknown.Looking back on the past several years of my life, I am reminded that half of the stuff that happened was never in my plans or if it was it was never as exciting as it all turned out. I have heard calls deep within my heart, calls that have led me literally all over the world, that have led me to some of the best and most nurturing relationships I have ever known. These calls have challenged me to face my deepest fears, to love without walls, and to lean into life. They have stretched me, challenged me, grown me and God, I am thankful.I am working on letting the strange bits of call that appear here and there nourish me, push me, and comfort me. I don't know the whole plan, the whole map, or even what I am going to have for dinner tonight--but I am reminded that I haven't ever known most of those things and that my life has been beautiful, exciting, and adventure filled and it has always found a way to sort itself out. Perhaps, it is best if I simply live rather than struggle to figure out the next step--for it will come in due time, without my poking and probing. Thanks be to God.Peace and blessings.All my heart,Margaret