I am going to be honest, it is hard. It is hard to be so far away from my family. It is hard to walk around and explore a new town in a new country without someone familiar to share it with. It is hard to undergo this gradual transformation, growth and discovery without the people who could really recognize the shift. It is hard to walk into a store I know my Mom would love and not being able to share that moment with her. It is hard to be alone in a foreign land.
BUT, it is sweet. I told my friend yesterday, as we sat in our own rooms in two different counties on two different continents, over Facetime that the hard things in life are still difficult but they have lost their bitterness. Since I have invited God into every aspect of my heart and life, all the good moments and all the bad moments, the hardness of life has lost its bitterness and has gained a sweetness that only God can provide. My faith doesn’t make the hard things any less hard, it just makes them so much more worth it and it makes me stronger and more capable to cope with the difficulties in life. I am continuously being shaped, at every moment of every day. And even when I forget that I am not really in control, I can feel God’s hand molding and shaping me.
Something has shifted in me, I think its a combination of many different factors: a breakup I went through right before I graduated, the trial of being at PC (a place that while so wonderful was also a trial all four years for me socially) after that breakup, the liberation and joy of graduation, the head on challenge with my insecurities, the self love workshop that my summer turned into, ultimately ending in my departure and arrival in Scotland. All of these factors combined with a whole lot of faith exercises launched me into this new realm of self. As I FaceTimed with my friend yesterday, I realized that I was positive, that I was all about butterflies and sunshine that I had finally become a truly peppy person. And I love it! Life is not a perfect picture; it is messy, scary, dirty, emotional BUT absolutely mindbogglingly beautiful! Life was never meant to be only pretty in a picture. It was meant to be spectacularly, take your breath away beautiful. And that is what I have decided to try and live out each and everyday. My family gets mad with me because I forget to take pictures when I travel, but the pictures never turn up as beautiful as the real life experience. Its a cheapened version of the real thing, and I don’t like wasting precious moments of enjoying the real beauty, by trying to take the perfect photo.
Perfection is only allusion. And allusion that I have stopped wanting to portray. Life is hard, it is not a perfect picture. But its the rocky roads, the uphill battles, the sweet moments of peace and the incredible joys that make life so wonderful to live. Friends, take a moment today to live. Let all of life’s ups and downs mix together in the presence of the Lord and see just how beautiful life can be.
So yes, I am doing well! Yes, I love Scotland and never want to leave. But yes, it is hard. This is a personal struggle that I am dealing with everyday, but trusting and allowing God to make it something that will always be a shining star in my life. Life is a combination of the good and bad, and it is how we allow ourselves to react to both the good and bad that determines our life. Invite God into your hearts and fully into every crevice of your life and see just how beautiful this life is–it just might take your breath away.
“God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.”