So I have been almost dreading the day that I leave, I have been having panic attacks; I have been allowing fear to affect my trust in God and affect my perspective on my upcoming adventure. I have never been good with change, I usually face change kicking and screaming or dragging my feet attempting to brake the inevitable. Lately I have been pressing down the panic and refusing to admit that I was stressed, until that stress caused me some outward physical side effects. Then I realized that maybe I needed to reevaluate this situation and stop trying to take care of all these emotions on my own. I had been avoiding my time with God; yes, I know that I am being a hypocrite. I preach about taking that time with God and trusting God in all aspects of our lives, but I fall short and don’t always take my own advice. Sometimes I even avoid God (refer to a previous post Avoiding God).
I know it sounds counterproductive but with this stressful time I did not go into conversation with God for a week and a half. Now let me explain, I didn’t turn my back on God; I still prayed, I still trusted God and deep down I knew that God would bring me through it and that everything would work out. But I avoided quiet time, I tried to calm myself alone rather than go to God. With that being said this past week I have been going into conversations with God. I knew the message God was going to send but I needed to hear it again. I needed to be reassured by God and God delivered.
God has blessed me this week with different little reminders to trust him and to remind me that it will all work out. One of these blessings came in the form of a stranger I met in the store. Her words helped me refocus my perspective on this adventure. She told me “it will be a memory before you know it.” And it will, if I am not careful I will blink and the next year will be gone. No, I have to cherish this incredible opportunity. I have to live into each day and make the choice to live into the woman I am being called to become.
Rather than dread the unknown I have decided to try and embrace the unknown, look forward to this adventure rather than focus on the fear and anxiety. I want to focus on the beauty of trusting God and feel the peace that comes from depending on God. I know there are going to be mishaps during this adventure but rather than dreading those bound to happen mishaps I want to look forward to them! I want to see how God can turn those mishaps into miracles and how those mishaps will develop me further into the Margaret I am meant to be. The more I change my perspective to a positive one, one where I recognize that all the things that go right and all the things that go wrong are incredible growth opportunities, the more excited I become. I am getting ready to enter into an adventure, one where I am going to meet myself and one where I am going to meet my Lord and Savior in a variety of new ways. How could I not be excited!?
Tonight I felt a peace deep within my heart. I felt the reassurance that only God can offer, I thought back on the 22 years of my life and its clear God has been continually preparing me for this moment. I have always wanted to be the type of person who jets off to new and exciting places without the safety net of home and familiar people and places. Now I am getting the chance to do it! I am ready to take the leap of faith and grab God’s hands with both of my hands. I am as ready as I will ever be. Now all that’s left to do is fly.
Take the chance. Whatever it might be that God is calling you to. Do not let fear have the final say. Do not let the fear of failure stop you from trying. Take a leap of faith.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”