Why is it so hard for us to constantly remain faithful? Why is it that time after time God provides for us and yet we are so easily drawn away into worry and fear? What is it that allows us to doubt?
On Sunday I felt like a misfit, I don’t really feel like I belong at PC anymore, I don’t really fit here anymore. I have changed, my goals and dreams have changed, I realized that I am growing up. I am getting too big for my cocoon, my wings are ready to spread and fly–but God knows I am not quite ready. I need a couple more months of developing and growing before I can be set free. But my cocoon is getting too tight and I think I am ready to fly. So I had a little meltdown realizing that I feel like an outcast, that I don’t belong here. Am I going to ever find a place that I really feel like I do belong?
Then it happened, news that I think I have been waiting to hear my whole life to hear arrived. A dream that I did not even know I wanted till last year suddenly came into my reach. God had answered my prayers; prayers that for years I did not even know my heart was whispering. After learning who to place my trust in and practicing choosing to place my trust in God I realized why I have no doubt there is a God. God is so good. God knows the desires of our hearts but also knows what is going to be best for us and when I started to switch my focus from what Margaret wanted to what God wants for Margaret my world was turned upside down. I began to pray that I followed God’s path, a path that is more wonderful than one I could think for myself.
But then, per usual, that fear and doubt began seeking in. I began thinking about the logistics of how things could actually work out. I began to doubt my God, the person who is constantly with me, loving me, guiding me, and protecting me. So I have been asking myself why is it so hard to remain faithful? I know God is with me, guiding me, loving me, and protecting me–God has not brought me this far to abandon me now. I know God, I have proof in my own life of God’s continuous presence, I have seen the proof in other’s lives. God will never abandon us.
I have been working on an exegetical passage for one of my religion classes. The passage is Luke 1:26-38, “The Birth of Jesus Foretold,” and as I worked through this passage I realized that God might be whispering to me: “Trust. Have Faith. Believe.” The angel Gabriel comes to Mary and greets her “Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.” This young woman is told that she is going to be the mother of the Son of God, she is favored, and God is with her. You can only imagine the fear and worry this young woman felt when she was told she would be the mother of the Son of God. Questions probably raced through her mind: How is this going to be possible? What am I to do? Can I do this? ect. But the angel assures her that “nothing will be impossible with God.” And guess what–she believes. She commits herself to God’s path and God takes care of her and is with her every step of the way. God will not abandon us. Just as God did not abandon Mary.
I think I need to take a step back and remember to be thankful to God for all the wonderful things I have been blessed with. It is so disrespectful and hurtful for me to doubt the Lord. I need to remember to trust, believe, and have faith. “For nothing is impossible with God.”
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your harts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Give thanks to God, rejoice in all that God provides, and trust that you are in God’s hands.
May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.