Monthly Archives

November 2014

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Thankful

With the Thanksgiving weekend coming to a close I figured I needed to write a post about what I am thankful for. I have been so blessed and I often forget to thank God for these blessings. My devotionals for the past week have been all about being thankful and coming to God in thanksgiving.

I am so incredibly thankful for my family. We are a bit crazy and get on each others nerves but I would be lost without these wonderful people. My family is incredible, they are so supportive of me and my dreams. When I have any problems they are there to help try and solve it. I am so thankful to have been raised in such a loving environment.

I am thankful for the wonderful friends who have been brought into my life. Having friends who are trustworthy and supportive is rare and I have been so fortunate to have been blessed abundantly with these gems.

I am thankful for all the experiences I have had-both good and bad. If I had not had the experiences that I have then I would not be the woman I am today. With all my experiences, especially the bad, I have grown in my faith and learned of the one who I can truly rely on always. This lesson is a true blessing that I am incredibly thankful I learned.

I am also thankful for my readers, though there may not be many, I am so fortunate for all of you who read this. It makes me so happy to get texts and snapchats from readers saying that they have been inspired or how they relate to my posts! I want to thank you all for reading, it means so much to me!

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Outcomes

I was just moved to tears in the middle of Starbucks. I have been pushing down the fear lately, trying to hold on to the peace I have been feeling. But for some reason fear and anxiety like to try and plague me. But I refuse to let them overcome me, turning to God before that fear and anxiety takes over my heart.I have this bad habit of trying to control my life and my future. I have been worrying a lot lately about what is going to happen after I graduate and what I am going to do. I was catching up on some devotionals in my Jesus Calling book and I read today’s, and the first line was “Leave Outcomes Up to Me.” I need this constant reminder that I am not in control, God is. God is loving and wants what is the best for me and will lead me where I need to go. As I went back to later devotionals that I had missed, November 9’s, moved me to tears, speaking to my worry and anxiety.

“Sit quietly with me, letting all your fears and worries bubble up to the surface of your consciousness. There, in the Light of My Presence, the bubbles pop and disappear. However, some fears surface over and over again, especially fear of the future. You tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, year, decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly in those times. What you are seeing is a false image, because it does not include Me. Those gloomy times that you imagine will not come to pass, since My presence will be with you at all times.

When a future-oriented worry assails you, capture it and disarm it by suffusing the Light of My Presence into that mental image. Say to yourself, “Jesus will be with me then and there. With his help, I can cope!” Then, come home to the present moment where you can enjoy Peace in My Presence.” (Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young).

One of the Bible passages that coincides with this devotional was Deuteronomy 31:6:

“Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.”

God is with us forever and always, no matter how far we may roam. We can feel safe and in my case I can try to feel calm, about the outcomes of my life.

The exact fears I was feeling and envisioning were described and I was reminded of whose love I am protected in, God’s. No matter where I go or what I do God will be with me in it all.

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Happy Place

So I have done something this week that I have not done in a long time. I decided to do things to make me happy. I have been planning on doing honors research since the summer; my dream is to go to graduate school and continuing on to get a PhD in history and become a history professor. I have done a large research project before and though I was stressed I loved every single minute of it; the research and reading process then the writing process. However, I have had a rough semester, school work began to pile up and overwhelm me, and then life in general got in the way. Slowly, I became very unhappy, I would even say a tad depressed, and was wishing away my senior year of college. I hated my classes, learning had always been a passion of mine but all of a sudden something that I usually loved became something I dreaded. And as a person who wants to commit her life to a lot more school this was disheartening and I began to worry somewhere along the way I messed up. I had friends and loved ones very worried about me; I was becoming a shell of the person I normally am, so consumed with stress and anxiety that I was constantly miserable and tense. But those who love me and are close to me reminded me that there is more to life than just that constant anxiety and schoolwork. I had forgotten how to live and placed school-AKA my job- above the people who should be priorities.

So this weekend when I was at home I had a breakdown. During that breakdown I realized that I am sick of trying to control my life, my plans were not working I wasn’t going where I should be. So I cried and started to pray, asking God to show me what I should do, because I was making a mess of myself by trying to do things my way. And as I was drying my hair it hit me-I did not want to do Honors Research. I told my boyfriend and my mom and suddenly it became real, I was not going to do Honors Research. My heart instantly lightened and I was HAPPY. When I told my professor, he was so supportive and was actually proud of me for saying no, I do not want to do this. I felt relieved, like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.

And yesterday, as I was sitting in one of my history classes, I realized that the passion and love I felt for learning and history had come back. I know I want to be a history professor, I love it and I am good at it, I just don’t need to force it.

I went to Barnes N Noble and picked up a book for pleasure then made my way to the history section where I stood and browsed for an hour, compilingĀ a list of all the books I would like to read. The passion had come back, and history was exciting again! I know what I want for Christmas, Barnes N Noble gift cards!

I am beginning to realize there is so much more to life than work, whether it is a work place job or you are in school, there needs to be a balance. Living and enjoying life is important. I may forget this from time to time, but I have an incredible support system in place to remind me.